"..aku boleh ada untuk bila orang perlu dan aku boleh hilang bila tak diperlukan.."
I remember you saying that but I also remember you said something like this before that,
"..if you need a friend, elsewhere but not here.."
I really don't get that actually it is two opposite things.
I thought about this over and over again, and I guess I am making the decision step by step
even if it means to bare regrets for my whole life
I also remember you said I was bias with people
to be honest with you,
aku bukan orang yang pandai bergaul
I may seem like all friendly at time but most of the time I just stood at the back in silence
I was never good with people and I still am.
so I was not being bias it is just I don't know how to speak or to please you.
you and I are in a completely different league, where you are the top I am much more less than dirt.
how can I compete and make myself as much the same?
I really have nothing to offer or to give to any of my friends especially you but when I do find something that manage to make you happy, "bedebar dan berbunga at the same time", that really excite me when I got to know there is something I can do at least to make you feel that way.
but most of the times my ways are way to off and landed me in such bad position.
I would really like it if you could see me as a friend and treat me as you treat your other friends
I am not asking you to make space for me to be close to you
I am asking you to treat me like a friend, but I never see that happening.
what I see is, the way you treat other people is way more friend-like
yes and to be honest I am jealous of that, but perhaps what I wish for to too much
" aku terkilan bila ada orang nak putuskan perhubungan"
well this is not one of that, this is more like you said, disappearing when you are not needed
aku sendiri terkilan dengan apa aku cuba buat
but ask yourself this, in these couple years are we really what they called friends? or just someone you meet at the streets? Because I keep asking myself that a lot, and the answer never came, just oblivion
I never finished reading the last book you lend me. because that time you ask me to stop, and so I stop reading.
did you know we never had much memories as friends? did you know that we only took picture together twice but with other friends in it not the two of us together even once?