Thursday, April 7, 2011

Warmth of the Hand

Believe it or not, my hand use to be very warm
I remember every morning during class when I was in form 3, I would hold my friend's hand
His was cold so when I held his hand, the cold slowly subside due to the warmth of my hand
and it felt really nice, it's true, it felt very nice
I always had warm hand back then
in addition I love to held my hand to others : to the people I love

but to be honest, when someone hold back my hand
I just feel secure for some reason
I may share the warmth of my body temperature through holding hands to some
but actually when people hold mine back it just help me set my feet on the ground
the hand I would hold would usually be cold but somehow I manage to feel warmth through that
you can say it keep me sane

but lately, now, it seem that the warmth I used to have bare in my palm just seem to be missing
perhaps I were too occupied to keep other people feel warm and happy that I forgot to keep myself warm and happy myself
when was the last time someone held my hands? I mean really held mine when even I didn't ask for it?
I just seem can't remember

to be frank, these few days just had me
I don't know what exactly
but somehow I keep on feeling something isn't right and something is missing
it feel like some puzzle in my life is missing, there is a massive hole
a pitch black hole opened, and there nothing in the world seem can cover it up
and it making me depressed for some reason
I could properly smile or laugh when I am with my friends or family
I can see they are happy and joyful, but I couldn't feel that way as they did

I may not seem like the person who need one
but to be more honest and frank
I just wanted someone to hold my hand
so I would know my grounds and don't have to feel lonely any longer
because it hurts so much somehow to feel alone
and that is the truth : it hurt so damn much.

sometimes I wonder if I really have someone I can turn into when I am in sorrows

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