Saturday, April 16, 2011

Life behind these small smiles

I think I am losing the connection between myself and the world that once hold me so happily
to be frank, I felt like I don't belong in one's circle anymore
because when I am in a circle with flock of people I know and I use to be with, 
I just don't feel like I fit in with them : a freak.

lately I am feeling a bit disturb and depressed
perhaps it the pressure from the intense examination I am having at the moment
but I just can't seem to cheer myself up from all this depression and negative vibes
recently I bumped into and old once close person I hold so very dear
it was when I met him and when he held his arm and I held back for a handshake
that was when I feel something just isn't right

after that it got me thinking a lot,
as the world evolved around me, I just stood there
as the people around me went walking in their own path without noticing me stranded here alone
perhaps it is just me, but beside my family ( which I never discuss any of my life problem with-ever )
I don't think I have anyone I could turn too
I don't have that one person that I would easily spill all my life wrong going without hesitation
I do not have that one person I can put my full trust enough in them so I won't have to hold back shedding tears

at times I thought I trust someone, they just disappear.
I admit I got plenty of friends come and go, but I don't have many that sticks
I just have these friends that only come at one time and gone on the next phase of life

perhaps that is why I don't share much
I am afraid they be gone the next day, and leave me hanging
lonely again on the next sun rise
I smile a lot, at at times it just hard to keep on smiling
this life progression just at time stop the smiling : I don't like that


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