hahaha! Terkilan sungguh aku hari ini. Sungguh terkilan! Sedangkan aku juga antara kenalan pertama kau, tapi dalam beberapa tahun ini we both barely speak anything. Haha! Hebat! Sangat hebat! Hahaha. I can't stop laughing and asking why? Haha.
tadi waktu solat jumaat aku ada terfikir. terimbau kisah lama di dalam otak
aku teringat bahawa aku pernah berdoa kepada Allah supaya dikurniakan aku seorang teman seorang teman untuk menemani aku sewaktu susah untuk bersama-sama tatkala waktu gembira
seorang teman yang memahami diri
aku pinta untuk seorang, tapi dalam beberapa tahun aku di kurnia kan dengan ramai sahabat setiap mereka ada peranan penting dalam hidup aku setiap mereka bererti bagi aku,
tapi, aku masih tamak, aku masih mahu seorang teman yang betul-betul aku buleh luahkan segala isi hati, seorang teman yang akan berkongsi masalah beliau sama aku
aku pernah juga pinta untuk Tuhan kekalkan persahabatan aku dengan sahabat-sahabat tetapi ada juga yang tidak dikurniakan. tahun lepas seorang kawan aku dari zaman sekolah hilangkan diri heh! beliau marah aku berkawan sama kekasihnya, sedangkan aku kenal kekasih dia sebelum aku kenal dia mungkin itu salah aku, aku saja mahu beri hadiah hari lahir beliau melalui kekasih beliau apakan daya, dia salah sangka mungkin dan fikir aku cuba dekatkan diri sama kekasihnya maaf lah, saya bukan orang jenis itu akhir cerita, aku pula terima padah.
tak apa, kalau itu dia mahu, itu yang akan aku buat.
barangkali semua ni memang salah aku jujur aku kata, aku mungkin seorang yang bising tetapi aku tidak pandai bergaul sama orang pernah ada kawan aku cakap aku ni bias, memilih waktu dengan orang lain aku banyak saja cakap, tapi dengan dia aku sering diam tapi kawan aku tak tahu, selalu dengan orang lain pun aku diam juga bila aku tak tahu macam mana nak bergaul bahawa aku selalu jalan paling belakang sekali sementara kawan yang lain bersembang tapi kawan aku lupa, dia pun kurang bercakap sama aku barangkali sebab aku memang membosankan. haha itu hakikat
bila fikir balik, aku sedar aku ni bukan nya penting sangat buat sesiapa dalam dunia ni aku ni jenis orang yang orang akan kenal waktu itu sahaja, tapi akan lupa keesokan harinya aku sedar tu dan aku tak menolak hakikat itu pada keluarga sahaja aku mungkin ada makna tapi pada orang lain aku mungkin sekadar kenalan atau orang asing aku nampak semua tu, tapi ada masa aku cuma mahu rasa di terima.
asyik bermain dalam otak aku, pada orang lain, pada kawan-kawan aku, aku ni siapa? apa aku buat mesti ada salah, mungkin aku memang tak pandai berkawan cuma simpan anggan-anggan semata-mata
banyak kali aku fikir, untuk melangkah pergi aku fikir bahawa kalau aku pergi pekara mungkin akan jadi lebih baik untuk kawan-kawan aku
aku memang ada banyak kawan, benar! setiap fasa hidup aku akan aku kenal ramai orang tapi mereka tidak kenal aku.
aku tak tahu kenapa aku merepek macam ini ya! mungkin aku kurang siuman dan bodoh tapi sejak beberapa hari asyik ini bermain dalam fikiran aku asyik ini sahaja yang aku ingat pada malam hari tatkala aku tidak dapat tidur
I forgot to mention this, During my last birthday when I reached 20 years old I got celebrated after so long by my family including my auntie I don't remember when the last time I got a cake to celebrate my birthday, but I'm sure it was long long time ago. Usually people got one cake to celebrate their birthday, but that time was special because I received 3 cakes that time!
to be honest I am not the type to really care of my own birthday, but I have to admit it felt nice to have a candle sticking from a cake waiting for you to blow the fire out of it. it is nice to feel appreciated and to feel you really exist now. and to add more of that I usually conceal my birthday from the people around me, so I usually avoid putting my birthday out in facebook blog or mostly anything if possible.
that is just how I am. haha. guess you can say I am a weird kid.
nevertheless I would like to thank everyone for wishing and celebrating my last birthday especially to my family and peeps. Thank You very much. I love all of you from the bottom of my heart and always will.
p/s: so far my birthdays fall the same day as the holidays, so my peeps usually didn't notice. hehe
I went through a lot in my past I lost so many things I hold dear once and because of that, today doesn't feel as bad
so I prefer taking the backseat and step down from the stage. "biar la aku mengalah, tak apa, what else I got to lose kan? I lost so much already" memang itu sahaja yang bermain dalam fikiran aku.
ah campur-campur pula bahasa aku ini,buruk benar perangai, maklum lah tidak bijak grammar dalam bahasa Inggeris dan juga tidak tinggi ilmu tatabahasa Bahasa Melayu therefor, today we do some rojak-ing.
back to our main point, bedasarkan apa aku sudah lalui sebelum ini, aku rasa it made me care less I became the person who prefer being alone jadi lone ranger la katakan.
jadi biar lah aku mengalah, ambil lah semua yang ada. tinggalkan la kekosongan pada aku. aku tidak kisah. barangkali aku sudahpun hilang hati sendiri.
I do not care if I were to be taken for granted by other people,
yes I mean it hurts sometimes and perhaps most of the time,
I can still bare that,
but I can't bare for granted the people I hold dear. the people around me.
it's okay if you don't really give a damn about myself.
but I just cannot do that back towards any of you.
may it be just a bit or a big one. everyone has it, so do not expect to lie to me you have none
let me justify, acknowledgement can be anything from a simple thank you to a street named after you.
it could be anything really, acknowledgement can come in many form, a pat in the head, a kiss on the cheek, a tender hug, even a comforting smile.
everything we did even if we tell the people that we are doing everything without anything in return,
but truthfully we earn for some acknowledgement. A smile would be enough.
We seek others acknowledgement in order just to fell alive. Just to fell a bit appreciated and special.
This also imply to myself. Since I was a kid I always wanted to capture my father's attention, I am not a bright kid so gaining such attention is kinda bothersome but instead I always end up capturing his attention with making him angry *giggle*
let truth be told even when I am all grown up I still look up to my dad, and earn for his acknowledgement :
a pat in the head.
That would be enough. no other material in the world can replace the feeling when I have a pat in the head from my father.
and one more from a friend, he may not know that I truly care for him, and perhaps he don't even bother what would happen to me if anythings ever happen. It is possible he won't even remember me some point in time.
but yet I always seek for some approval. To be honest I don't really know what I am expecting, perhaps for just him accept me and acknowledge me a friend till the end not just someone he knows during his time in University or what so ever.
"don't expect you can make everyone to like you. Don't expect you can force them to be your friend"
like what he said. I can't expect anything for nothing
So people, when you did something for a friend, your siblings, parents, cousins, aunts and uncle, give them your acknowledgement for them.
observe and analyse the picture carefully : what can you see? make a summary not more than 250 words! cewah!! this is not an exam or some sort lah, haha. those days are long left behind.
but in today's blogging associate big time with the picture!
NO! it got nothing to do with colour of shirts they are wearing (including me)
NO! it is not why people are like interested with something that they crowded the one place
NO! it is not even the flocking of girls near me
NO! it is not related to the venue and time!
here is a hint : one word associated with no one and a twin 'S'
YES! the key word is 'ass'!
excuse me, but I don't mean to be vulgar or anything, if someone is offended I apologize in advance
( but I am about to talk about myself, so why am I apologizing to you? haha )
as you can already see in the picture, it seem I got a hell of an ass! haha!
it is so weird to talk about your own buttocks in public blog, but this I think I like to share.
when people say nobody's perfect this imply to myself too.
As you can see in the picture, my imperfection may lead to my buttocks
I mean, look at it, it is above normal!
I got tease a lot by people : friends at school even family
Yup! one of my uncle love to bring that up a lot, and would infect such nasty sarcasm to me when I was a kid
when you were a kid, teasing can demoralize you, and could even effect a kids attitude and even disturb them mentally
I use to hate myself when people talk like that, I even thought of nasty things back them, but alhamdulillah never done any of them
but I am grateful, because in my own small family, they never ever bring that up. they love me just the way I am
I sometimes wondered why am I created like this, perhaps there is a reason to all this
so I stop worrying about how I look and just accept what people have to say
hence if you knew me, you can even see me make a joke about my own ass
and I won't say a word of protest when people mock me of my butt
I heard people with big ass have even bigger heart!
I guess when you have one weakness, you also gain strength in something else too.
( I think I have wrote something about this before :D )
plus one known advantage of having a hell of an ass : I got extra cushion when I sat. hee hee
anyone know what other benefit of bearing such big ass? haha
so in today's blogging I am trying you guys to
accept who you are and embrace your own quality and to be grateful in every way you can
no matter if you have a big butt, to tall, to skinny, to short, to fat or what so ever, don't let people drag you down just because they say you are weird : keep in mind that these people who teases you can't dare to accept their own weakness that's why they act like that.
chin up, and walk proud!
"because this one hell of a SEXY ass. don't you agree? "